WHAT’S SEX GOT TO DO WITH IT?

Brief research online reveals numerous opinions on sex like…. 

“Sex is dirty – save it for the one you love.” 

“Women are like slow-cookers and men are like microwaves.”                

It’s just sex right…Or is it more? 

SEXUALITY IS AN ENTITY OF HEALTH 

Looking further at the evidence about sex and sexuality, research strongly supports that, sexuality IS an entity of health. It is a natural and integral part of our identity, emotionality, and the experience of being “a whole person”. Sexuality is the purest form of self-expression, and it’s a place of vulnerability - that deserves protection. It may take decades to learn how to express your own sexuality – it is ever changing - due to aging, disease, experiences, or trauma. Sexual unhealth affects whole health - mental, physical, and even spiritual. There is much international and national emphasis on sexual health. 

WHAT WE SHOULD’VE LEARNED 

Today, the World Health Organization emphasizes the need for comprehensive, age-appropriate sexual health education. What was your sex ed like…way back then? 

WHY TALK ABOUT IT NOW 

So why talk about it NOW? Anytime is a good time to learn about something as intimate as our own sexuality and especially at the transitions of life (like menopause) where we may begin to acknowledge that ageing changes us. Talking helps - to reduce the shame of sexual desire or un-desire. Talking helps - us learn to recognize low self-esteem or even over-confidence. An open discussion about sex helps to decrease social discrimination and to discover and reduce language barriers. Talking about sex and sexuality helps us learn the clear definitions of sexual harm, which can reduce victim silencing and teach us about respectful and safe relationships. And even a brief discussion is a time to remember or rediscover the stages of a sexual experience.  

In the sexual health community, it is commonly agreed that a sexual experience includes 5 stages: desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, satisfaction, and sometimes, sex-related distress. Staging the sexual experience is helpful when seeking out therapy for improving sexual health, as every stage presents an opportunity to apply focused therapy. 

SEXUALITY THROUGHOUT THE LIFESPAN 

Anytime is a good time to pay attention to your sexual health; we are born with it and we will die with it. As we age, we evolve as sexual beings with a partner, alone, or as we explore new romantic and sexual relationships. In older adulthood many physical, social, and emotional changes are mainly due to hormonal declines but can also be due to a life full of experiences. Divorce and death of a partner or chronic illness can change sexual satisfaction, but it is in no way the end of being a sexual person. Since many sexual relationships are part of an ongoing relationship, it’s useful to recall the ingredients – at least as seen from the literature – of a relationship. 

KEY INGREDIENTS OF A (SEXUAL) RELATIONSHIP 

Communication, balance of power, respect, self-esteem, intimacy, responsibility, equality, positivity, physical & emotional safety, and care & trust. You may want to add your own ideas to this list.  

In addition to relationships, there are many influencers – or we can even say teachers - for our sexual health. 

INFLUENCERS 

Both good and bad influencers matter. We take cues from our surroundings: where we live and work; our personal history; our culture; our family of origin and their values and beliefs; our friends and confidants.  

There are some well identified influences that have a negative impact on sexual health. Traumatic childhood events or adverse experiences may result in long-term negative effects, which can lead to depression, heart disease, diabetes, stroke, and other illnesses, including unhealthy sexual behaviors. Dangerous levels of stress increase numerous unhealthy habits including poor sexual decision making. Abuse of drugs and alcohol can impact the understanding of healthy sexuality and relationships.  

WE DO HAVE CHOICE, NOW AND INTO THE FUTURE. 

“Love is blind, they say; BUT sexual choice is the sum of all our fundamental convictions.”  (Ayn Rand, N.D.) 

There are only two choices when it comes to your sexuality: a positive outlook or a negative one. 

Sex positivity celebrates sexual diversity, differing desires, and relationship structures. Sex positivity encourages individual choice based on CONSENT – which is widely supported to include words like enthusiastic and ongoing. Sex positivity allows for freedom and resources to create a sex life that delights and empowers. This positive lens views all people with the same beautiful parts just organized differently. Being sex positive supports sexual rights of all people which focuses on respect, protection, and sexual fulfillment. Simply put - sexual health is about WELL-BEING, not merely about the absence of disease.  

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT SEX?  

If you would like to explore more about your sexual attitudes, contact me for more information. 

RECOGNIZING SEX NEGATIVITY 

It’s equally important to recognize the negative aspects of sexuality, which include things like anxiety over sexual performance, erectile dysfunction, or differing desires; intercourse being the only means of successful sexual pleasure; abusing drugs and alcohol to manage sexual intimacy; and, intimate partner violence. 

SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION 

From a medical perspective, sexual dysfunction is something to prevent, if possible, but it is also something that we can find numerous solutions for. Chronic illnesses like depression, PTSD, heart disease, and diabetes can be risk factors for sexual dysfunction, so managing illness is a way to prevent or reduce sexual unhealth. Culture, religion, body image, experiences of abuse or trauma, social expectations, relationships, mental health factors, and sometimes even a lack of education or understanding, can lead to sexual dysfunction; as can Illicit drug use or overuse of alcohol. Any violence, but specifically previous intimate partner violence, can lead to poor sexual health. And I cannot emphasize enough that….ageing does not automatically lead to sexual dysfunction. 

ENHANCING SEXUAL SATISFACTION 

I believe you cannot have good overall health without having good sexual health, and I hope that one day all primary health interactions will include a sexual health discussion; and that we can all work towards a more positive relationship with sex, which should always include pleasure and consent that is enthusiastic and ongoing! 

If you would like to learn more about sexuality or ways to increase your sexual satisfaction, please book an appointment here.